When A Student Grieves

PHYLLIS VAIL, A 6TH grade teacher in western Maine, learned one weekend that the parents of one of her students had just been killed. Suddenly realizing how unprepared she was to help a grieving child, Vail wondered what she would do on Monday morning.

Vail's wrenching problem is a common one among teachers. A few years ago, most teachers would not have been expected to broach the subject of death in their classrooms; it wasn't considered a suitable topic for children, let alone school. But that attitude is changing. Some experts suggest that the erosion of the nuclear family--the traditional source of comfort for grieving children-- is, at least in part, responsible for the shift. One thing is certain: Schools and teachers are being called on more and more to help children handle the pain of loss.

This is particularly true in the nation's urban areas, where increasing drug and gang violence has forced many children to deal with death that is sudden and shocking. According to Anne Kliman, director of the Situational Crisis Service Center for Preventive Psychiatry in White Plains, N.Y., and a pioneer in grief education for children, this kind of death is much more difficult for youngsters to cope with than the death of an aged loved...